When the healthy thing isn't.

Exercise is good for you. I believe that completely. It's also the easiest hit in the world to hide behind.

If you drink every day, people notice. If you train every day, people call it dedication. If you can't stop eating, you feel the shame of it.

If you can't stop running, you get a medal.

So how do you tell the difference between a healthy habit and a hit you're chasing? I don't think it's the amount. I've met people who train for hours and are completely at peace with it. I think it's the relationship.

These are the questions I wish I'd asked myself sooner. Answer them honestly. Nobody else will see.

For years, my honest answers were the wrong ones. I trained through injuries. I felt like a failure on rest days. I measured a session by how much it hurt. My body was there, but my head wasn't, and the people around me paid for it.

Early in my walking and running, while I was still very overweight, I strained a tendon in my foot. Six weeks with no activity. Just when I'd been thinking "I'm doing so well", it showed me the downside of what being active had become for me. Is this it? Will I go back to eating large amounts in a mindless state? Which way will this go? That's when your support network is vital. I had a good one, and they know who they are.

The change wasn't training less, though sometimes it was. It was changing why. Moving because it feels good. Because I want to keep doing it for a long time. Because it clears my head, not because it fills a hole.

The effort is still there. The fight doesn't have to be.